"Lying to be perfect" GREAT MOVIE!!!!!

So today has been a bit of a lazy day! But i got some really good news today!  Well i am not 100% sure how to feel about the news but my ex my older sons dad said he could to the live show of Phineas and Ferb that i won tickets to next Saturday!!! My boys are so excited!!!  Also its just gonna be me and my sister and the boys lets just hope that i don't get any texts pissy from my mother!!!  Like i did last Sunday at CHURCH!!!!! AT CHURCH she was getting all kinds of pissy that i went to church with one of my co workers who is almost the same age as my mother!! Its almost like she is threatened!!!  Anyway i am in the middle of this service at a church i have never been to and the Sunday school group said they would text me if there were any issues with my youngest son so when i felt my phone vibrate i checked it to see and really pissed off for no reason other then my mom didn't want to go out to lunch with my grandma!!! I mean she said "I'm so sick i could die and Thanks i have no one!!! I HATE U!!!"  yeah i got that at CHURCH last Sunday morning!!!! Then we had a huge fight!! Well she really layed it on THICK!!!! I know i shouldn't care she is lonely and tired but it doesnt make it hurt any less!! I KNOW letting her words get to me is some and ONLY some of the reason I dont like myself as much as I do!!! I know I come off to those of you who know me as this put together person with her head on straight but i am the farthest thing from that person!!!! I am tired of hiding behind the pain and disgust of myself!! now i know that is the main source of my anger is my disgust for myself!!! My major disgust like i mentioned a few entries ago is my appearance I am a young single mother and thats the thing i dont want to be single... and getting a boy friend is not a priority but at least having a guy check me out once in awhile wouldnt be so bad!!!! I used to be this skinny hot little thing and when my dad got really sick i let my diet go to hell!!! I havnt gotten back on the right track until VERY recently!!! Im tired of being the girl who is frumpy and fat!!! Im unhappy in my own skin!!! I am trying to get past this but this is the first time i have ever let it out of my head and somewhere else that if anyone knew who this really was would be like huh???   so that brings me to the title of this entry!!! The movie "lying to be perfect"
            "By day, Nola Devlin (Poppy Montgomery) is an unassuming, frumpy magazine editor who    is overlooked and teased by her coworkers. When the sun sets, though, and she is behind the glow and anonymity of her computer screen, she becomes the famous and reclusive advice columnist Belinda Apple. Nolas friends, tired of being overworked and overweight, band together to create the Cinderella Pact, vowing to lose pounds by following the advice of their fairy godmother, Apple. When her secret identity is threatened, Nola is forced to take her own alter egos advice. But, as the group of friends drops dress sizes, their real issues are exposed, and better-than-expected life changes begin to blossom."
 That is what I want with my life!!! I want to grab it by the horns and be who I want to be... I am tired of trying to be what i think the world wants me to be... if you dont like me for who i am SCREW you!!!!!  Now if i just follow through!!!!  and i just need to mention if it werent for my friends J, B, M, A and my theripist i wouldnt be typing this really dramatic blog and trying to fix myself!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! MUWAH!!!!!

R